Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Just drove past the house where I lost my virginity. There wasn`t even a plaque or anything. Pretty ridiculous if you ask me.
Life is full of disappointments, I`ll just add you to the list.
Never , under any circumstances , take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. O_o
Sanity is so overrated. I mean, it`s a nice place to visit, but I wouldn`t want to live there....
Wow! Sit-Downs are way easier than Sit-Ups!
It`s been close to a million years since I exaggerated about anything.
I`m a multi-tasking procrastinator. I can put off a bunch of sh!t all at the same time.
I’m bored enough to clean.
If by `the Hamptons` you mean `my pajamas`, then yes, I absolutely weekend in the Hamptons
Whatever Mom, IF THAT`S EVEN YOUR REAL NAME!!!
Just saw a guy driving while eating ice cream. F*cking sundae drivers.
I knew I was going to jail when I yanked at the cop pants and they didn`t tear away ..
The moment when someone says a word and everyone laughs, including you and then someone goes, "Do you know what that means?" and you go "No, not really."
4 out of 5 voices in my head think the other voice is a douche...
I don’t have a bucket list, but my f*cket list is a mile long.