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Got into a vicious battle with quite possibly the World`s Largest Spider. The outcome? Well, I`m updating my Facebook status this morning.... He isn`t.
So, I guess we’re just supposed to assume the number is 1-800-Ghostbusters?
How weird was the first robber to wear pantyhose on his face
Coffee : Starter fluid for the morning impaired.
My grocery list is just a piece of paper saying ~ don`t run into anyone you know.
Walmart killed the traveling circus.
I was just awarded the first place trophy for laziness. All I need now is for someone to accept it on my behalf.
Marriage, because sometimes ruining a person`s life takes serious commitment.
Thank you Lord for this delicious meal we are about to Instagram.
As I get older my tastes are changing, for instance I used to not like brussels sprouts but now I don`t like people.
I never sign anything until I pretend to read it first..
I exercised once, but found I was allergic to it. My skin flushed and my heart raced. I got sweaty and short of breath. Very dangerous.
Next time you`re in a hospital elevator, calmly ask a stranger if they know what floor you should get off at for infectious diseases.
The awkward moment when you type HO instead of HI.
I`ve done it in the bathroom, I`ve done it in the bedroom, I`ve done it in the kitchen, on the couch, outside, in the bus, yoo I just can`t seem to stop this texting.:)