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Is it just me or when you turn off the computer by holding down the power button, it feels like I’m choking it to death.
"we can still be friend" .. is like saying "The dog died, but we can still keep him"
Our parents always taught us NOT to write on walls... Facebook teaches us differently
OMG you guys! Almost hit a jogger while i was taking a selfie and driving today...so please you guys, be careful, do NOT jog.
I`m not saying you`re a slut but you`re dirtier than my browser history.
Is life fair? Short answer, no. Long answer, nooooooo.
Awkward moment when you don’t know if you were offered gum out of generosity or if your breath stinks.
I followed my heart...now I`m at the liqour store
Why would you be scared to get Ebola? You haven`t left your couch since 2011.
I saw the city workers putting up a sign on my street and it says Bumpy road ... so I put up a sign that says ,, FIX IT !
I don`t lift so maybe I`m wrong about this, but I feel like Popeye might be focusing on his forearms too much.
Do you think when Spider-Man gets stoned with Batman and the Hulk he sometimes thinks the spider on his chest is real and freaks out?
Part of being sane is being a little bit crazy.
Actions speak louder than passive aggressive Facebook statuses.
AWESOME!