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Ladys, if you`re in an argument with a guy and there`s no may to win. Start playing with your boobs...works every time.
Is a rivalry between two vegetarians still called a beef?
I may not have great parenting skills, but in my defense the kids don`t have great childing skills either.
Going to McDonalds for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug.
Bitch I’m not insulting you, I’m describing you.
I often confuse reptiles and amphibians. Actually, if I`m being brutally honest, they pretty much never know what I`m talking about
A funny thing to do would be to text random numbers with "I got the live bees you sent, they`ll do nicely"
I stayed at a really nice, really fancy hotel this weekend. The towels were so thick I could hardly get my suitcase shut.
Every time I stop making bad decisions, I get more and more boring.
My life has a great cast, but I can’t really figure out the plot.
If you died and went to he!l, how long will it take you to realise that you aren`t still at work?
It`s always the darkest before dawn. So if you are going to steal your neighbor`s newspaper that`s the best time to do it.
If I had a British accent, I`d never shut up.
I would really like to help you move your furniture tomorrow, but I’m going to be too busy sitting on mine.
I know the light has changed twice people but I`m playing air drums until Moby Dick is over...sit back and enjoy the show please...