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Sorry that offended you, I really didn’t think you’d get it.
There aren’t enough days in the weekend.
How do blind people know when to stop wiping their asses
I`ll never understand why single women waste so much time on dating websites when there are so many eligible bachelors right here in this adult bookstore.
The reason good men are hard to find is because they`re usually too busy working.
I beat my chess opponent in less than five moves with the chair I was sitting on!
Lying about my age is easier now that I have trouble remembering what it is.
Nobody notices your pain, your happiness, your sadness, your state of mind. But everyone notices it when you fart in public
Checked my bank balance at the ATM and was happy to see I had 707 dollars in it until I realized I was holding the receipt upside down and it said LOL instead.
Get off your high horse. Seriously, it’s not safe to ride any animal that’s stoned.
People who have more than 10 items in the express line… We see you and we are judging you.
I don`t care how old I am, if I go out to eat and there are crayons and paper placemats with puzzles... game on!
I just devoured a six inch from Subway and I`m still not satisfied. I get it ladies. I get it.
Every day is just a new opportunity to eat pizza.
I wonder if birds look at planes and think "man, I`ve really got to hit the gym"