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Funniest thing ever heard on TV. "Ward, you were a little hard on the Beaver last night"
I`m gonna open a bar and name it Rehab.....
The olympics is the only time when you hear "Great execution by North Korea" and it seems okay.
My Wife: Why are you home so early? Me: My boss told me to go to hell
I said "Candyman" 5 times into the bathroom mirror and sure enough some woman came out of the stall and screamed at me for being in there.
Anyone says their wedding day was the best day of their lives has obviously never had 2 candy bars fall down at once from a vending machine
I just walked by an old man who kept saying, “One, three, five, seven, nine… one, three, five, seven, nine…” I thought, “How odd.”
The most dangerous drinking game is seeing how long I can go without coffee.
Think big, Think smart, Think positive, Think beautiful, Think great,I know this is too much for u,so here is a shortcut-Just think about me
I would like to thank you people for letting me know its Friday every week. Its thoughts like this that keep me on Facebook.
Jack daniel was found dead by johnie walker at castle strt under savanna tree,captain morgan believed dat he was killed by strongbow.his 4cuzns said that he was best in j&b club at knights...
You know you are the ugly one if they ask you to take the photo.
They say a dog park is a great place to pick up girls. I don`t have a dog so I am walking around with a bag of poop so I won`t look weird.
The only correct answer to the question are you sleeping is no.
Don`t sweat the petty things and don`t pet the sweaty things.