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Adulthood is mostly about being tired and wishing you hadn’t made plans.
If Coca-Cola REALLY cared about the obesity problem they`d put cocaine back in their recipe.
Sex, do it for the kids.
Scientists are dumb. A meteor didn`t kill the dinosaurs. I`ve been to the museum. It`s obvious they starved to death.
Most people don`t think I`m as old as I am until they hear me stand up.
Relationship status: I make my own sandwiches.
You know you’re ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.
Why is it when you have a day off you seem to bounce out off bed at 6am, but the days you go to work, it takes a forklift and 2 sticks of dynamite to separate me from my pillow??
Some people just bring out the psycho in me
Why is it called mooning when you`re actually showing uranus?
You`re in your 20`s... you don`t have "haters"... you have "adults" that think you are "annoying"
Someone tore off my warning label when I was born.
I just realized that I haven`t done the "Hockey Pokey" in over 10 years. I guess when you get older, you just forget what it`s all about.
I`m not giving the kids a time out. I`m giving myself one. The thought of sitting in a corner & being ignored sounds just heavenly.
Kinda hypocritical of me to complain about people who send mixed signals seeing as the mat in front of my door says "welcome"...