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Do not treat a woman like an object. It hates that...
Hair pulling during sex is hot ... unless the whole wig comes off.
Lake Superior really needs to lose the attitude.
I like having an ex ...it gives me something to do on Facebook at 3 in the morning.
OMG ... I hate waiting in lines ... I wish this woman would hurry up and pick a suspect.
Can`t find your children? Try turning off the wifi. They appear suddenly.
Stalking is such a strong word. I perfer the term surveillance expert.
I ate a shepherd`s pie for lunch. He was pretty upset about it.
I haven`t been this disappointed since I first saw a real hedgehog and it wasn`t blue.
Just bought two donuts without sprinkles...Diets are hard!
If a$$holes could fly, this place would be an airport
My life is a constant battle of preventing my muffin top from becoming a pound cake.
When I see somebody get on one knee tying their shoe in public I get in front of them, happy cry, and say “Oh my GOD, I will, YES-YESS!”
Why would a married man buy a hearing aid?
My kid go from "omg...you`re impossible I can`t wait until I`m 18!" To "You`re the best mom ever" in a matter of $100