Mobile App Coming Soon - Daily Silly Status

Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

I shouldn`t play with Legos!? It says "Ages 7 & Up". 30 is higher than 7. Instead of calling me immature, you need to go take a math class.
Fun Fact: if you took the skin of an average person and laid it out flat,you would have enough for a serious criminal conviction :)
Just so we’re on the same page, I’m on 43.
My friends think I never listen to their opinions... like I give a sh*t what they think.
So after vacuuming with the new Dyson, I`m pleasantly surprised to learn that the carpet upstairs is actually hardwood.
I don’t want to go to work. There are people there.
I failed the emergency broadcast test. My apologies to all the employees I shoved to the ground while screaming
Shake up a random soda pop in the company fridge today. You deserve it.
Why does using a straw make it so much harder to admit there’s no more soda?
This guy at the gym just did four sets of selfies.
Inspiration: nobody else knows what the hell they’re doing either.
I fold down my laptop screen very slowly at night so I don`t squish you guys.
At the young age of 5, a bear told me that I am the only person who can prevent forest fires. Why I was chosen, I’ll never know.
Due to political correctness issues, "Krazy Glue" will now be known as "Mental Disorder Glue."
You`re the reason why I wake up every morning... Just kidding, I have to go to work.