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Don’t tell me what to do unless you’re naked.
And for my next magic trick, I`ll walk down a street and turn into a bar.
For Halloween I`m going as an invisible person. I will be at all your parties.
It`s funny how when you post a status and some people think it`s about them..Hahahaha it was.
Relationships are like yard sales... They look good from a distance but you get there & realize its just a bunch of sh!t you dont need.
I`m only 2 girls short of a threesome.
Survival rule #1: You go first.
Hi, you`ve reached my voicemail. Why didn`t you text me? I`ll never call you back. Like, ever. You`d have better luck with a telegram.
Another tragedy today in the music industry.....Justin Beiber was just found alive in his apartment. :(
I found a dollar in my bed this morning... Following my excitement was a flash of panic as I checked all my teeth
Okay, If we get caught here’s the story…
Some days I feel about as useful as the pants in Donald Duck`s closet.
Everyday I fall in love with you more and more. Except yesturday, yesturday you were pretty f*cking annoying.
I bet if we all threw our problems into a big pile, we’d see everyone else’s and scramble to get ours back.
Sarcasm: because beating the sh!t out of people is illegal.