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Summer vacation: Where you drink triple, see double and act single.
This lady in Walgreens is staring at me like she`s never seen anyone put on deodorant and then put it back on the shelf.
Ill be in my office giving co-workers the silent treatment ..by sending them blank emails.
I like how adding a little OJ to a glass of champagne says “I’m classy” instead of “It’s nine in the morning and I have a drinking problem.”
Guns don`t kill people. Girls who get tagged in a photo before they get a chance to see it kill people.
someone told me I am immature and need to grow up ... so guess who is not allowed in my snow fort!!!
I’m exhausted just thinking of everything I have to do.
"Three blind mice" is probably the most popular nursery rhyme about animal cruelty
It’s like I wanna be left alone but I still want people to notice my absence, you know.
Definition of insanity - Doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results
I`ll never fly Virgin Airlines. Why would anyone want to fly an airline that doesn`t go all the way.
I love Christmas presents wrapped in bubble wrap... it`s like two gifts in one!!
They call them heated seats because rear defroster was already taken
1. Go to police station 2. Say a gang mugged you 3. Describe your own relatives to police sketch artist 4. Claim free family portrait
This lady in Walgreens is staring at me like she’s never seen anyone put on deodorant and then put it back on the shelf.