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The story of George Washington chopping down the cherry tree is my favorite tale of honesty, integrity, and giving a child an ax
When I see you in hell I`ll still ignore you
Telling a girl to calm down is like trying to baptize a cat.
Just tried to parallel park. 5 people are injured, 3 critical, 6 missing. The casualties continue to mount...
Bumper stickers are helpful for recognizing members of society you do not want to associate with.
The judge says I`m a repeat offender, but he always says that.
I`ve just realised that I`ve got one of those cool body types that can eat whatever I want and get fat.
Cigarettes have warning labels because they are dangerous and addictive yet vaginas are allowed to just roam around freely.
My mother always used to think that my friends were bad influences. ..I wonder if she`s figured out yet that I was the one coming up with all the ideas? ;)
Constantly losing socks in the laundry but finding change. So logically there has to be a sock fairy.
Sorry I wore tear-away pants to your wedding. In my defense I really thought I had on underwear.
Who can really hear themselves thinking?
If Wendy`s think their square burgers are so awesome, why don`t they use square buns?
Me: Well hello again. I knew you`d be back. I seem to have that effect on people Fed Ex: Just sign here so I can leave
You know you`re drunk when you sit down on the toilet & try to put your seatbelt on