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AA meetings would be better if AA stood for Alcohol Afterwards
I`m not allowed to have any energy drinks until all the cat`s hair grows back.
Ever have the experience of staring at an outfit hanging in your closet and wondering which of the personalities did the shopping that day?
I saw a midget carrying a tv to his car today. I said "hey, would you like some help with that plasma?" He said "f*ck off asshole, it`s an IPad!"
My mom always said that I`d never find a man dumb enough to marry me. Well, I showed her...
It`s a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships.
My wife went home to visit her mother today. Or as I refer to it. Her “bitch refresher course”.
It`s ok, ghosts, no-one believes in me either.
Most days the best thing about my job is that my chair spins
To skip any youtube ad just change ‘youtube’ to ‘youtubeskip’ in the url of any video. You’re welcome.
I copied and pasted your pic of what you ate...and got MORE "likes" than you did. :P
If opportunity doesn`t knock, build a door.
Whenever a wrong number calls me and hangs up I always call em back and tell them it was their loss because I`m really fun to talk to.
I`m at my most cardio when I am moving the treadmill into storage
New documentary movie about white trash .... I only saw the trailer ....