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The only way to open a pack of toilet paper is to fingerblast a hole through the plastic in one of the roll holes
If I could be anyone else in the whole world, I would still be me so that I wouldn`t have to buy new clothes.
I called one of those numbers in the bathroom stall and my wife answered. Very funny guys.
What sort of drug abuse and debauchery has to occur in someone`s life for them to start liking Charmin Toilet Paper on Facebook?
Sorry I wasn’t ignoring you I was just watching 7 seasons and 54 episodes of this new show I found.
This morning I woke up to a surprise BJ. Thats the last time I fall asleep on the train with my mouth open.
If you can`t remember my name, just say `donuts`.... I`ll turn around and look.
Love is like a rubber band, we keep pulling, someone let’s it go, and it hurts the one who held on.
Life is like a bowl of soup; you only get blown if you`re hot.
I like to follow random families around Disneyland for a day and just be in the background of all their photos.
You never know how little self control you have until they put chips and salsa in front of you at a Mexican restaurant.
I wish people were like Internet videos and you could tap them lightly to see a clock of how much longer they`re going to be talking.
I didn`t think a McDonald`s Happy Meal would fill me up, but it did...OMG, I ATE THE TOY!
"I love you unconditionally*." -God *certain terms and conditions apply. See Bible for more details.
If a dwarf smokes weed does he get high or medium?