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If my calculations are correct then someone else did them for me.
Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. Im pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
"I`m single and ready to mingle"..oh god, is this why I`m still single, cuz I say sh!t like that?
I just want to read, have a snack, then take a nap. Basically, I just want to be in kindergarten again.
I walked into a bar in my pirate suit and a ships wheel in my pants.... The bartender asked... "Why do you have a wheel in your pants"? I replied "Argh.. it`s driving me nuts".
life is like a bed of roses just got to whatch out for the pricks
I wish I had Shazam for faces...
The best way to a woman`s heart is by saying three words - You lost weight.
Im 6`1", blue eyes, light brown hair, fit, own my own compa......oh crap, wrong website, sorry.
eHarmony should be more like Amazon “customers who slept with Tina172 also slept with LuvinLife_83, TaintMisbehavin, and Cat_Lover03?.
More funny statuses will be posted here soon
Girls are a lot like oceans, beautiful and deep, but once a month, it`s shark week.
I know the light has changed twice people but I`m playing air drums until Moby Dick is over...sit back and enjoy the show please...
A part of me wants to go on a diet and eat healthy. Sadly that part of me is a liar.
People who get offended on the internet are the same people who take mini golf seriously.