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Don`t do anything you`re not prepared to explain to a paramedic...
My girlfriend just threw away a bubble wrap without popping it. Just like that. I`m dating an animal :(
Everyone has fitness goals and I’m over here like, if I burn this many calories I can eat a whole pizza.
"Trust me, you can dance." -Vodka
I just burnt my tongue on my food. It made me realise that it’s the ones we love that hurt us the most.
You can test my patience all you want, but I’m never going to pass.
Hey, if it doesn`t work out, we can still be friends. Said no guy ever
So how old does a highway have to be before you tell him he`s adopted?
Lord, help me be the person my psychiatrist medicates me to be.
I want to live in a world where the Food Network delivers.
What`s cardio, and can I eat it?
"American Pie" ruined it for any kid that actually does have an amazing story from band camp.
Inspiration: nobody else knows what the hell they’re doing either.
You never outgrow sleepovers, they just become coed.
What the world needs is a self help movie, cause lets face it, most of us won`t buy the book.