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I wanna see Mythbusters do the bible.
My girlfriend said that I should use the term `make love` instead of `f*ck.` What the make love is she talking about?
Can Walmart be a feeling? I think that`s how I feel today.
I`m pretty sure apple kid below needs help..
Do you ever wonder how many people’s dreams you have been in?
What do crickets hear when they have an awkward silence?
If you want a successful relationship, find someone who likes the same thermostat setting that you do.
If I don`t clean my house soon, someone is going to bring in blindfolded ppl for a Frebreeze commercial.
My friends says that I spend too much time talking to random people online. What do you guys think?
My girlfriend asked me to send some dirty pics. So I sent her a picture of my sink full of dishes. :)
Ironing boards are just surf boards that gave up their dreams and got real jobs.
Been coughing all night & day, can`t seem to stop. Guess I should go see a movie.
I want one of those jobs where people ask, “Do you actually get paid for doing this?”
Sometimes my sarcasm is so intense that even I’m not sure if I’m kidding or not.
I can`t believe people used to have to paint selfies.