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If you see me drinking coffee from a to-go cup in public after 3 pm, that coffee is booze in disguise.
If only my ceiling fan could hold my weight, then I would never be bored again.
I just apologized to my wife for something she did wrong. Marriage is fun.
If something on this page offends you, please bring it to our attention so we can all laugh at you.
Spread happiness by smiling at a stranger today, or flash them your boobs...... Strangers love boobs!
Shoutout to this ATM fee for making me buy my own money.
This company doesn`t know how much of an asset I am.. Or an ass-sit. They really should pay more attention.
I recently jumped on the back of my psychologist and started counting...1...2...3 and he was so suprised asking me what I was doing and I answered offendedly: "Well you`re the one who said I could always count on you !"
I hate it when people radiotype us blondes as dumb.
I once wrestled an anaconda for 4 straight hours... Then I realized I was just masturbating.
Have you ever wondered if Dora is smuggling drugs in her backpack?
I think New York has reached the point where it can finally be called York.
is it rude to throw a breath-mint in someone`s mouth while they are talking?
Facebook: Cause why drunk dial one person when you can drunk post the world?
One time I exaggerated so hard that I died.