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If you see someone wearing camouflage clothing, bump into them. It only takes a second of your time & it makes them feel like it works.
It takes one slow walking person in the grocery store, to remove the illusion that I`m a nice person.
The wife and I never really argue except on where to vacation. I wanna go to the beach and she wants to come with me
"Let`s give the bad guy a ponytail." - 80s movies
Don’t look unless you’re prepared to see.
I get a little nervous before saying Worcestershire sauce.
I`m not saying your house is haunted, but I think a ghost just ate all of your Gummy Bears while you were in the bathroom.
Admit it, you have that one voice that you only use on animals and babies.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did, not screaming for their lives like the passengers in the back of his truck
Mustaches: 1. Like them or not? 2. Should you refuse to go out on a date with someone just because she has one?
I saw a sign that said "watch for children" and I thought "that`s a fair trade."
My mother said, “You won’t amount to anything because you procrastinate.” I said, “Oh ya…..Just you wait.....”
I am taking a shot for every “like” I get on this status. Then again, I’m taking shots whether you bastards like it or not.
Let`s drink till this day makes some sort of sense.
So I met an Egyptian ... they walk just like us.