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When I was a kid they didn`t call it "Behavioral Disorders", They called it "Being a little brat".
Have a day. That`s about as inspirational I get.
To be truthful from deep down ... I don`t believe that paper beats rock.
How to tell if a woman is mad at you: 1.She`s quiet 2.She`s yelling 3.She acts the same 4.She acts different 5.She murdered you
Autocorrect is a great feature, but it can also be your worst enema.
Why is this dude chatting with Jake from State Farm at three in the morning anyhow?
I act like Pacman at parties. I walk around the room eating everything in site and avoiding everyone.
It takes patience to listen, it takes skill to pretend you’re listening.
I wish they all could be Jerry Springer girls.
No matter how hard I try, I just never seem to run out of bad ideas.
I`d get lost less frequently if GPS would say "no, your other left."
Don`t be that guy that goes around saying "Don`t Be That Guy."
When I`m bored, I like to superglue Doritos to my cat and make it run around the house like a stegosaurus.
Marrying your high school sweetheart is like taking the banker`s first offer on Deal or No Deal.
All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific.