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I might not be a great example, but I´m one hell of a good warning.
Today is International Women’s Day. It was actually supposed to be held 2 days ago but they took too long to get ready.
Ever seen a person so disgusting you hold your breath when you walk by them? Yea I have.
Sober me makes plans and drunk me cancels them. Its a good system.
Due to the weather, I was able to use the words "wet and slippery" at work all day without anyone thinking I`m a big perv.
I tried my best to see things from your point a view, but your point of view is stupid.
I`m starting to think that the Facebook status update I liked has had absolutely no influence on Government policy at all ...
If someone says “you’re funny” instead of laughing, you’re not.
This fly in my car is going to be very disappointed when it ends up at Walmart.
To make it stand, you wet it. To make it wet, you suck it. To make it stiff, you lick it. To get it in, you push it. Threading a needle isn`t easy.
awkward moment when the dentist is talking to you with his hands on your mouth
1st woman on the Moon.. Houston we have a problem What? Never mind What`s the problem? Nothing Please tell us? You know what the problem is.
A cop just pulled me over and said papers - so I said scissors, I win and drove off.
This healthy diet thing is dangerous. I just cut myself peeling an apple. This would have never happened to me with a twinkie.
Sometimes, when dealing with people, you can`t help but stop and think, "Yup, I`m about to get my first assault charge."