Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If your problem can’t be solved by me saying “damn” and nodding a lot, then you shouldn’t come to me for help.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I bet if the movie "mirrors" releases part 3, the 1st victim will die while trying to take a selfie
When I get a call from an unknown number I answer by whispering: "It`s done, but there`s blood everywhere!"
Ziploc`s idea of how big a sandwich should be is very different from mine.
Studies show that people with high sex drives also tend to be very forgetful. Did I tell you guys that already?
Getting drunk and listening to loud music solves 87% of all life`s problems
When everything else fails... you always have delusion.
I like to follow random families around Disneyland for a day and just be in the background of all their photos.
Tonight I’m going to have my favorite drink. It’s called “a lot.”
Can anyone tell me how to become a illegal immigrant, their benefits are undeniably more superior to our own.
I am proud to say that I have completed the 1st item on my bucket list... I got the bucket
Accidentally ran over my neighbor’s cat today and I was scared to tell him to his face so I left a note saying “Curiosity was here”
I listen to all of of the voices in my head...except the one named Reason. He makes NO sense to me.
Wow, it`s beautiful outside. I should probably do something. Like close the blinds so there isn`t a glare on my screen.