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I like the parts of the day when food happens.
Ask your doctor if walking blindly into traffic is right for you
When I see people jogging outside I like to drive slowly down the road behind them blasting “Eye of the Tiger” just to give them motivation.
Flat screens are nice and all, but they`ll never compare to the television/record player/ liquor cabinet combo extravaganza we had as kids.
"Hey! Aren`t you that guy from the village people?" - Me, to every cop who pulls me over
Just pour the coffee and back away slowly.
Have you ever wondered what a job application at Hooters is like? Maybe they just give you a bra and say, “here, fill this out”.
Lots of us suffer in silence. You should try it.
Technically, it isn`t pre-marital sex if you have no intention of getting married.
Helpful Tip: When your wife ask whats on TV, don`t say dust.
I used to date a magazine editor. But, I broke up with her because she just had too many issues. No YOU shut up!
Remember when phones were stupid and people were smart? hmm...
I like to walk up to strangers and ask, "Would you take a photo of me?" If they say yes I hand them a photo of me and walk away.
Reverse cowgirl. Perfect for when you`re horny, but can`t stand to look at each other !
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