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A person who says they will never lie to you is probably lying already.
I just gave my ex a big hug which can only mean one thing. That`s right I have the flu and I love sharing.
If this world got any smaller I`d probably fall off - George T. Ignace
Seeing a spider isn`t a problem. It becomes a problem when the spider disappears.
My car doesn’t have a passenger airbag but don’t worry, if we get in an accident all the McDonalds napkins in the glove box will cushion you
Cooking Tip: If you`re tired of always having to boil water everytime you make pasta, boil a few gallons at the beginning of the week and freeze it for later ... you`re welcome!
If "The Breakfast Club" were made today, it would be a silent film about 5 kids staring at their phones.
There`s a lot of perks being a single parent, for one no witnesses.
There`s really no telling how successful I could have been if the internet hadn`t been invented...
My boyfriend asked me why I bother watching cooking shows when I cant cook so I asked why he bothered watching porn.
When I was a teenager, a "selfie" meant something totally different than it does today.
It’s the people that DON`T talk to themselves that are the crazy ones. At least that’s what I tell myself.
My mother is my travel agent for guilt trips.
Remember....... Its not drinking alone if you`re on Facebook ;)
The awkward moment when someone deletes their comment on facebook and you look like you’re talking to yourself.