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Hi, welcome to adulthood! You`ll be constantly tired except for right before you need to go to sleep.
"There`s nothing sexier than a chick that knows how to work on cars" -Dudes, trying to get us to do that job too.
I`m well on my way to getting absolutely nothing done today.
I keep myself in just good enough shape to outrun most women and small children during emergencies.. :|
If you’re not fully satisfied with your life, do something about it. Or complain about it on the internet. Whatever you prefer.
I love you all so much right now because, well, alcohol.
The only correct answer to "Are you ticklish?" is "I will kill you."
Your mobile phone has more computing power than all of NASA in 1969. NASA launched a man to the moon. ...We launch a bird into pigs!
Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
This status could be yours for 3 easy payment of $8.99, get in quick because this offer won`t last for long, infact there are only 5 left.
Zoning out is your brain’s way of saying “You look bored. Let me take you to a better place.”
I`m flattered that you took time out from your lack of a life to judge mine.
I wish I loved anything as much as rappers love female dogs and gardening tools
7.1 billion people in the world. 0 willing to lower their standards and date me.
If you`re crazy and you know it shake your meds...