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Didn’t have internet on my phone for the past few hours. Finally graduated, got married, lost some weight, read 17 books and showered.
Thank you Super Bowl for reminding all Americans how bad we really are at understanding Roman numerals
That awkward moment when you say goodbye to someone and then both walk in the same direction..
Cooking Tip: If you`re tired of always having to boil water everytime you make pasta, boil a few gallons at the beginning of the week and freeze it for later ... you`re welcome!
To the woman with six screaming kids in Walmart, if you wonder how those condoms got in your cart, you’re welcome.
If Wyle E Coyote had enough cash to buy all that ACME stuff why didn’t he just buy dinner?
I`ve been eating a lot of extra calories since daylight savings to make up for that hour of eating I missed.
As it turns out, I’m not an afternoon person either.
If those Febreeze commercials with rooms filled with stinking, rotting garbage convince you to buy their product. Here`s a heads up for you........ You need to clean your freaking house!!!
I live like I type, fast and with lots of mistakes!
I`m Dave, or as the ladies like to call me... "Hey, you! Behind the bushes!"
People hate facing the truth. Luckily the truth doesn`t give a sh*t.
My wife accused me of spending too much time on Facebook. That’s funny, when did I get a wife?
scientific fact: never tell a woman she`s crazy unless you want to see crazy.
Men at 25 play football. Men at 40 play tennis. Men at 60 play golf. Have you noticed that as you get older your balls get smaller?