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How do I tell my boss I don`t want to do work anymore but still want money.
I had the urge to clean my place today so I laid down until the urge went away.
“Everything you say can and will be used against you” should be included in marriage vows.
If you think the things I say out loud are bad, you should hear the things I keep to myself.
Like my therapist always says, "I`m not your therapist, you`re just laying on a couch in Ikea"
Eat whatever you want,and if anyone tries to lecture you about your weight ...Eat them too..!
I`m fortunate that anger and nicotine have zero calories.
I hate it when you`re buying stuff off the Internet and the bank calls to check to see if your card has been stolen. Sure, it seems nice, but then you have to explain to lady on the phone that no, it was not stolen, you really are the one who bought a subscription to bustyblondes.com
If the cigarette tax is meant to discourage smoking, is the income tax meant to discourage working?
Who`s further now, the Energizer Bunny or Voyager 1?
If there is enough room to spell `bootylicious` on the back of your shorts...it probably isn`t
Can you find the the mistake? 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10. Click Funny if you did..
Sometimes entire relationships can only be described as “that weird thing I did for a while.”
Sorry, I can`t delete any of my voicemails cause then people would be able to leave me a new one
I pretend my bruises are sex bruises instead of I tripped over my cat while trying a new dance move bruises.