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I don’t just say crazy things on the internet, I do that in real life too.
Note to Self: Next time I leave my wife a message that I`m in a threesome all afternoon, specify it`s golf.
Dearest Neighbors, Please do not call the police, it`s not domestic violence or a wild party. It`s football season, that`s just me screaming at my TV.
You actually have friends? Yeah bro, all 10 seasons on DVD.
tonights theme: grab somebody sexy tell them hey, give me everything tonight!
I am a Mother hear me roar.....especially when my kids decide to make a kite out of my granny panties and fly it down the street.
There may be no excuse for laziness, but I`m still looking.
I`m working harder than an ugly stripper!!
A child`s purpose is to help their parents relearn the states and capitals.
The realization that Netflix knows me better than my closest friends....
thinks that life was a lot simpler when I thought girls had cooties, and getting to the bottom of the sandbox was a good day.
Someone once told me, “GO FOR BROKE” !! I’m happy to report that I succeeded…
If you see a guy with no arms and your first thought is “My God how does he drink his beer??”, You might be an alcoholic.
Do you really have to breath that much?
I once dated a Rockette with Tourette`s. Talk about kicking and screaming!