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Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

Can`t wait to be full of Christmas beer! I mean cheer. No, I definitely mean beer.
I`m going to test my theory that tequila kills the flu... Or brain cells... Whatever, doesn`t matter... something`s gonna die tonight.
So you think you can study with your facebook activated? That`s cute! ^.^
I should be able to take a sick day if I am sick of the people I work with.
Often, when I am reading a good book I stop and thank my teacher. Well, I used to. Until she got that restraining order.
The guy below me obviously has never seen R2-D2.
Its O.K. to laugh during sex … just don’t point ! ... trust me
Sometimes I whisper, "I`m on your side" to the computers, just in case they ever succeed in taking over the world...
As I slid my finger slowly down her G string, I thought to myself "this is a nice guitar"
Just found out my birthday is the same day I was born... Life is crazy...
I have problems cleaning my house because I get distracted by all the fun things I find.
Look up procrastinator on Wikipedia. There’s a picture of me. Well there isn’t yet, but there will be. Probably by tomorrow. Maybe Tuesday.
Chip clips are for quitters.
roses are red, violets are blue, I suck at poems.. you have nice boobs
My credit card company says I have an outstanding balance. I was flattered.