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Turns out that my get rich painfully slow scheme isn`t working out either.
Stay positive ladies, maybe he just didn`t hear you the first 100 times.
BEST PICK UP LINE: You would probably sleep better tonight if we had sex.
Be thankful for stupid people, they make it easier for the rest of us to get ahead in life.
I eat cake every day because I know somewhere out there, it`s someone`s birthday and I need to show respect.
is deep in thought . . . if only i could remember what i was thinking about
Your family tree must look like a cactus........everybody on it is a pr!ck
Due to the weather, I was able to use the words "wet and slippery" at work all day without anyone thinking I`m a big perv.
Figure it out people. It’s a 4-way stop sign not a woman.
Happy St. Patrick`s Day to the fool that gave up alcohol for Lent.
Here’s the thing about work: I really don’t feel like doing any.
This oatmeal tastes like I`m gonna need a doughnut.
Not to brag, but I’m pretty good in bed. I don’t snore or steal covers, and I only pee if something startles me.
Government Shutdown: Day Three Jellystone Park still closed. Still no pic-a-nic baskets. Yogi stares at Boo-Boo... Boo-Boo looks tasty.
The invention of the shovel was groundbreaking!