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"I`d like a bowl of soup please." "Any sides?" "I hope so, or it`ll go EVERYWHERE."
Sometimes, numbers are the only thing you can truely count on.
Before I had kids I never really reflected on life`s little mysteries. For example, why is my toothbrush under the couch?
Nice try butter flavored pancake syrup, but I`m still putting butter on them!!
Thanks to the State Farm commercial now I want a Falcon.
Wonder if Jesus gets screwed out of birthday presents just because his birthday is so close to Santas?
Its amazing how much more tolerable thanksgiving with the family becomes after the 5th cocktail…
My ex warned me that I would never find a girl like her again....THANK GOD!
When a man says he`ll do anything for a woman, he means slaying dragons, killing zombies and rescuing her from castle towers. IT DOES NOT MEAN cleaning garage, fixing roof and cleaning out the basement!
Meanwhile one million men got to enjoy a quiet afternoon at home without anyone nagging them.
Expect nothing and you`ll be impressed every day.
I miss the good old days..when you could slam the phone down.!!
Back in my day it was called daydreaming…not ADHD.
Give a man a fish & he`ll be all "WTF are you giving me a fish for? That`s weird" Teach a man to fish & he`ll be all "Again with the fish?"
Remember, life isn`t about accumulating stuff. It`s about making people insanely jealous of your stuff.