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I never make stupid mistakes ... only very clever ones
Sorry I got mad and said a bunch of things I meant but shouldn`t have said out loud.
I gave my boyfriend a glue stick instead of a Chapstick last weekend, and he`s still not talking to me!
I always try to behave on Friday nights but there are usually too many other options.
New Years - the only day where its socially acceptable to drink this early.
If someone`s mean to you, just lean in and whisper "I`m a Barbie girl in a Barbie world" to them & get that monstrosity stuck in their head.
My toddler gets pretty impatient with me for someone who takes 45 minutes to eat an egg.
I`m not sure but I think the family from Honey Boo Boo is just a family of bears that were shaved down and shown how to sh!t indoors.
The pharmacist asked me my birthday again today. Pretty sure she’s going to get me something.
High-five a veteran today.
Girl Scout cookie season is scientifically timed to occur just as people are giving up on their New Year`s resolutions.
Sometimes people come into your life and they need to stop doing that
I noticed tonight that I was the hottest cashier at the self checkout line.
Life is like a burrito. If you fill it with too many things it falls apart and then you cry and they kick you out of Chipotle.
Sometimes in life, all you really need is a lot of money.