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Helpful Tip: A ceiling fan won`t cut a bagel in half ... Not even on top speed
My internet went down for about 5 minutes earlier....so I talked to my family.....they seem like nice people!
You can correct people`s grammar or you can have friends. But you can`t do both.
Everything I ever needed to know about structural engineering, I learned from Angry Birds.
Of course everyone seems sexy in a nightclub. There`s liquor and you can`t hear them.
I`m having trouble telling if it`s killing me or making me stronger
All`s not lost my Friends. It won`t be long til people realize Selfie Sticks also make wonderful lightning rods......
Getting back with your ex is pretty much the same as taking a shower, getting out, and putting back on the same old dirty underwear.
is currently amending my "Who gets money" list when I win the lottery ... who has something nice to say?
SNAUGHLING: Laughing so hard you snort, then laugh because you snorted, then snort because you laughed.
The hardest part about going through a divorce is finding a hitman you can trust.
A trail of clothes leading to my bedroom means I dropped them on the way from the dryer.
Actually officer, I`d prefer to think that vodka smells like me.
I`ve found that nowadays most people don`t like holding hands in public. Especially if you don`t know them.
To be clever can be difficult without caffiene.