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"I woke up with morning wood. She woke up with morning wouldn`t."
I just attempted to wash a paper plate if you wonder how much money I have available.
I hate when the person I Facebook-stalk never updates anything.
It’s 2013, why does good food still have calories.
*accidentally answers phone call* ... *pretends to be answering machine*
Girl: What color are my eyes? Guy: 34C
Pretending to be a morning person is exhausting.
In all my years, I have never finished a pencil.
I really don`t need to be loved.. I would settle for being tolerated. :)
If I could time travel, I`d make sure the guy who made up the word Walkie-Talkie got to name more things.
yelling at the referee that he made a mistake has never worked, No Referee has never turned around and said, "Why yes your are right silly me I did make a mistake, penalty denied, goal kick"
I don`t understand fat poor people. What are you eating? Broken hopes and dreams?
Confession #156: I always prepare myself before stepping on the escalator
Do short people start their childhood stories with "when I was little", too?
Happy birthday you motor boatin SOB! Have a great day