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Got caught up in a really good book last night. I didn`t stop coloring till 2 o`clock this morning.
If it weren`t for WebMD I would have never known what symptoms to mimic so I could get all these prescriptions from my doctor.
Nothing says "My balls are kept in a jar inside her purse" quite like a joint Facebook account
Sometimes I`m completely inconsiderate to other peoples feelings. And other times I`m asleep.
My favorite part of the day? The food part.
My wife looks for signs I’m cheating, but seriously, who would make a sign?
How do you people have the time to hate a stranger on the internet?
Golf would be a lot more fun to watch on TV if the balls were on fire
My boss said “Dress for the job you want, not the job you have.” Now I’m sitting in a disciplinary meeting dressed as Batman.
Was late to my first Fight Club last night so missed the intro rules. Still, Fight Club was brilliant and I`d highly recommend Fight Club.
The best part about being an adult is, nobody can tell you, you can`t have ice cream for breakfast.
Ladies and Gentleman, I`ve traveled a long way, crossed many bridges, fought my way through countless obstacles, all to bring you this one sad truth about life. There`s never enough beer.
I put the PRO in inappropriate!
At my age, my biggest fantasy is to sleep through the night without having to pee every two hours.
Ways to Win my Heart: Buy me Beer Bring me Beer Be Beer.