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Didn`t ya`ll know awkward moments existed before? Damn, its like the Yolocaust all over again...
Plumbers should keep busy this week now that No Shave November is over..
I remember when vodka was just vodka flavored ...
When sliding down the banister of life, always make sure that the end is knob free!
My neighbors don`t appreciate it when I skip along the property line, singing "This Land is My Land."
I was told today to look at my life from a different perspective. I`m lying on the floor now and the shit still looks f*cked up.
Was disappointed when I watched the films Shaft, XXX, X-Men, In To Deep, Snatch, The Box, Free Willy. None of them were what I expected...
Life is what you make it = 10% Shit happens = 90%
You don’t truly know someone until you see how they react to their bag of chips getting stuck in a vending machine
I stopped paying my car payments to concentrate on my dream of appearing on a Repo show.
I`m absolutely nailing this "I give a sh!t" face today!
Man I love watching women`s curling in the Olympics. It`s the only time I get to drink beer while cheering on women sweeping and no one slaps me.
Sex in the City is the prequel to The Golden Girls, right?
Kinda funny how the Mayans said we were all gonna die in 2012, but they all disappeared way before us.
I had lunch with a chess player yesterday. It took him 20 minutes to pass the salt.