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Remember the days when water was free and you had to pay for porn?
I wonder if more children were conceived because of alcohol or more alcohol was consumed because of children.
Early to bed, early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and a crappy party host.
When I was a kid, I used to sing, `A, B, C,D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, ELEMENO, P`
If I had any self control I`d probably eat that too.
I’ve never had angry sex. I’m always happy and quite surprised that it is actually happening.
If there`s one thing in this world that everyone can agree on it`s... "Goonies never say die!"
I hate it when chicks wear pink camo. I`m like, "girl" where you hiding? Candyland?
Based on how I react when the toast pops out of the toaster, I will never look cool walking away from an explosion.
If you scream in a library, people just look at you funny. If you scream on an airplane, everyone joins in.
My "check engine" light came on while driving to work this morning. I looked and the engine is still there...silly light.
Apparently saying, "You mad, bro?" is frowned upon if you work in customer service.
Don`t EVER break a pinky promise. That sh!t is LEGIT.
We live in a time where "He is hot" is more important than "He is a nice guy."
I just finish reading "50 shades of gray" by Sherwin Williams. I don`t see what all the hype is about these paint brochures.