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From now on when skinny girls say they`re fat I`m just gonna be like, "Yup" & walk away.
trying to do something before the microwave is finished is sort of like trying to complete the countdown maths problem on countdown...
I`m not saying I hate you, but I`d unplug your life support to charge my phone.
Dear Diary, men think about sex every 7 seconds. I do that with pizza.
I`m about to eat gas station breakfast. Tell my family that I love them.
I love updating my Facebook status while crossing the stre
What idiot decided it should be my foot`s asleep instead of coma toes?
You can usually judge a women`s hotness by how many times your girlfriend calls her a whore.
Being alone with my thoughts can be quite boring unless alcohol is involved
"If Donald Duck doesn`t have to wear pants than neither do I!"- Me getting drunk at Disney World.
When you are a kid, it makes you feel proud when someone says "Wow! You`ve gotten so big since I last saw you!" As an adult, not so much.
I dont mind going to work, but this eight hour wait to go home is bullsh*t
No, PornHub, I would NOT like to share this video with my friends and family on facebook.
Just remember, outside of that beautiful slim bride on her wedding day there’s a fat woman just waiting to get in.
Some questions just answer themselves. Like, sit-ups or pizza?