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It`s just a mater of time before bathrooms will eventually be called Selfie Rooms
Calm down mechanic guy. Just here for an oil change. If I wanted to know about all the other shit wrong with my car I`d turn the radio down.
Parts of a worm: 1) Worm
Don´t believe all the rumours you hear about me, the truth is much worse.
I don`t know what is longer. A microwave minute or a treadmill minute.
Based on how I react when the toast pops out of the toaster, I will never look cool walking away from an explosion.
To whoever has my voodoo doll, please scratch between my butt cheeks. I`m out in public. Thanks.
Exercise? I thought you said "extra fries".
Unless your "Awesome Sauce" is an actual sauce and it involves putting it on a steak then I don`t want to hear about it.
Lately, my furnace has run so much I nicknamed it "Forest".
Adult: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
Due to the economic crisis and ever increasing price of food, the 5 second drop rule has now been increased to 10.
I broke a mirror now I`m looking at 7 years bad luck... but my lawyer thinks he can get me off with 3
Fun Prank: Put $1000 in an envelope and mail it to me.
My therapist keeps saying that I should really stop talking to inanimate objects.....but he`s a lamp...what does he know....