Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I like the parts of the day when food happens.
Iām starting to think plates are called china because most of them look the same.
I just found out cock fighting is done with roosters and now it feels like this 6 months of training has been wasted.
Much like a dog, men will pretty much do anything you want if you feed them first.
Sleep is for the people without access to Internet.
If you were born after 1990, you will never know the frustration of having to rewind your parents porn tapes to the exact same spot...
The saddest thing about St. Patrick`s Day is taking down all my Christmas decorations.
If you watch Jurassic Park backwards, it`s an uplifting film about dinosaurs and people who work together to rebuild an island.
I have the means to do anything that I want on my day off from work which means that I dont want to do anything on my day off from work.
There`s nothing a floored gas pedal and cranked music can`t cure.
DO NOT expect a "Bless You" after your 3rd sneeze. Get that sh!t under control.
Why eat a carrot when you can just as easily not eat a carrot?
No matter how nice I ask random people, nobody will take me to Funkytown.
I went for a run tonight. Sure, it was a beer run but, I was still sweating by the end.
Million dollar idea: A snooze button that lets you sleep longer the harder you hit it.