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How did human beings express empathy before the phrase "that sucks" was coined?
If Harry Potter is so magical then why can’t he fix his eye sight?
That awkward moment when you gently toss your phone on the bed and it bounces off 3 walls, breaks 2 lamps and kills a cat...
My girlfriend just accused me of being unfaithful. I told her that is ridiculous and that she is starting to sound like my wife.
should probably get my daily dose of calcium.. white russians it is
Life..it`s just an `F` in lie....
After a certain point, the `F` on the thermometer no longer stands for Fahrenheit.
They say that when one door closes, another one opens. Apparently, "they" have never been to jail.
Try Zumba, It`s awesome ... on my way to the emergency room.
People would probably piss me off a lot less if I was allowed to drive a tank.
A lot of guys get married just because they`re hungry.
I like to start my day by taking a shower, having some coffee and going online for 14-16 hours.
Rich people have rehab. Poor people have jail.
All I’m saying is, you’ve never seen me crying and eating tacos at the same time.
Just sprayed a mosquito with mosquito repellant. Now, he’ll never have any friends.