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My head says “go to the gym” but my heart says, “stay on the internet forever and eat!”
You never really know someone until you break up with them. If they don’t go crazy and try to kill you than maybe you should give them a second chance.
Progress is made by lazy people looking for an easier way to do things
Of all the martial arts, Karaoke inflicts the most pain.
How about a T.V. show that just explains the backstory on all of the "For External Use Only" warning labels.
Ever talk to someone so stupid you can hear them misspelling words?
The thing I miss most about being young is knowing everything.
Every time someone says "Have a nice day!", I yell "DON`T F**KING TELL ME WHAT TO DO!"
There is always light at the end of the tunnel. It might be a train or a truck so dont let it hit you.
I`m hoping to avoid a situation where I have to dance to save my own life.
People in Detroit call Grand Theft Auto V "Tuesday"
Of all the possible utensils that could have been invented to eat rice with... How did 2 sticks win out!?
Of course China is dominating the olympics, they probably made all of the equipment.
My neighbor put the box his fridge came in on the curb for trash pickup. Guess who has a new fort!
Hello, fire department? Is this Mr. February? Yeah, I`m stuck in a tree. Uh, I mean... meooow.