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The meek shall inherit the earth. Probably because they`re the only ones who won`t complain about what we`ve done to it.
If you have a problem with me please write it nicely on a piece of paper, put it in an envelope, fold it and shove it up your a$$
I`ve decided to go my own way and think "inside the box" to be different ... Wow its dark in here!
My wife just gave me an ultimatum, it’s either her or Facebook. So sadly, this will be my last joke….. in which I talk about having a wife.
Men hang out in bars for one of two reasons: Either they have no wife to go home to, or they do
I`ve been hiding from exercise. I`m in the fitness protection program.
I’m sad when my food is over.
I`m not saying you`re an idiot. I`m just saying that....Umm how do I word this?? I guess I am saying your`e an idiot.
Like a good neighbor, strip clubs are there
I believe in sharing the road with other drivers. They can have the part behind me.
Your baby has no idea that you threw him a 1st birthday party. All you did was inconvenience your friends.
The Gym is like Church. Everybody thinks that by going one hour, one day, they`ll erase what they did during the week.
This woman just flipped me off and I couldn`t agree more.
Dear Lord, Thanks for making me funny. Especially since you didn`t give me much else to work with.
I only say "bless you" twice. If you sneeze a third time I assume it didn`t take and you`re a demon who must be destroyed.