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I need me a pretty girl with an ugly girl personality
Sure I have my doubts, but Bigfoot doesn’t have any pictures of me either.
If its so great outside why do bugs try to get in my f*cking house?
The average fight between men lasts 3 minutes. The average fight between women lasts 17 years.
Still waiting for the day I can illegally download groceries
Tenderizing the meat sounds a lot sexier than it is
I’m glad we can’t smell each other through the internet.
And then I was all: “I’m really getting sick of your shit, bitch.” And then she was all: “To speak with a representative please press 7.”
you have lips ….. i have lips …… interesting
My grandparents still use encyclopedias to google stuff.
When my kids grow up, I’m going to their house to break their stuff, eat all their food, make a huge mess, say I’m bored & then just leave!
I cannot turn water into wine but, I can turn ice cream into breakfast so that’s pretty neat.
Why are police men so strong? Because they hold up traffic.
A synonym is a word you use when you can´t spell the word you first thought of.
I put the whiskey in another room ... Exercise regimen established.