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That mini heart attack you get when the parked car next to you moves and you think you’re moving.
Spent the morning at the farmers market carefully selecting fruits and vegetables to throw away next Saturday.
Things that schools worry about Drugs 1% Graduating 1% drop outs 1% the inportance of using a number 2 pencil on standardized tests 97%
i m not totally useless, i can b used as bad example
Doctors waiting room needs some music. And better lighting. And more women. And a pole in the middle of the room. And a buffet.
Worried that you may have a stalker? Shut up and just be happy someone likes you.
Can you find the the mistake? 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10. Click Funny if you did..
Sorry I missed your call. I took too long to answer because I was dancing to the ringtone.
If your girlfriend says she`s going out to run some errands and comes back with 6 bags from the mall...You might be dating my wife.
Few people have the balls to admit when they`re wrong. Then again, few people have talking balls.
Baking soda seems like a scam. "Be sure to keep this box of magic white powder in the back of your refrigerator."
Rabbits jump & they live for 8 yrs. Dogs run & they live for 15 yrs. Turtles don`t do anything & they live for 150 years. LESSON LEARNED!
Women are like bacon: they look good, they smell good, they taste good, and they will slowly kill you
Either I wrote a bunch of drunken Facebook status updates last night, or my dog has finally figured out the computer.
Hello... Modeling Agency? Ya, my selfie just got 34 likes I think I`m ready to go pro!