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Friday is like a superhero that always arrives just in time to prevent me from savagely beating my coworkers with a keyboard.
Don´t wait for the perfect moment. Take the moment and make it perfect.
If you`re a girl and you drink Vodka... there`s a high probability, I love you.
Brains are awesome! I wish everyone had one...
I must have a great butt because every time I finish talking with someone and start to walk away, I hear them whisper "What an a$$."
Speed bumps can turn into speed ramps depending on who`s car I`m borrowing.
It`s always nice to be called Pretty in the morning. So what if he was hiding behind the trash wearing no pants.
People are like dogs: There`s always someone who loves you for you and there`s someone who just peed in an inappropriate place.
It`s awkward when I have to pull someone aside and point out that my fly is open.
If you smell Axe body spray on your lawyer,, you`re going to jail.
Took my 3rd self-defense class, so if anyone feels like attacking me straight on, very slowly, w/ a fake knife in their right hand, BRING IT
Between the coffee and the cocaine, it looks like the mission of Colombia is to wake up the world.
The only correct answer to the question are you sleeping is no.
Ask not what your father can do for you, but what you can do for your father. Happy Fathers Day!
People who say you can´t buy happiness just don´t know where to shop.