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79% of accidents happen in the home....... Finally, good news for the homeless
Women, if you want to strike a bit of fear into your man, just smile really big and ask him, "Notice anything different?"
The first step to admitting you have a problem is having a problem.
Whoever said "Lets do that" in the meeting for the pop-tarts without frosting, should be fired
The true definition of safe sex is having a padded headboard.
One of my female friend is reading a book called "Learn to drive in a week" for the last 3 years.
I`ve just been hit in the head with a werthers, and I thought........... That`s original!!!
Unless you fell off the stairmaster and a barbell fell on your face... no one wants to hear about your workout.
The success of a marriage hinges entirely on the ability to know which of your wife’s clothing is okay to go into the dryer.
I`m alone in my car ... Counting it as a vacation.
It`s funny how many people I have in my phones contact list who all have the same name Do Not Answer.
No matter how many lives you have in Candy Crush, you’ll still never get your own back.
It’s people that give drinking a bad name.
I wouldn’t pay for a personal trainer, but I would pay someone to just knock unhealthy food out of my hands.
Good thing I`m judged on my actions and not my thoughts.