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No matter how many lasagna’s you stack on top of each other, ultimately it’s always just one lasagna
Women can walk around all day long in a bikini, but God forbid if you see them in their bras and panties. I will never comprehend this.
I miss the days when minding your own business was a thing.
We live in an era of smart phones and stupid people.
I`d hate to be a dragon .....I`d get so pissed tryin to blow out my birthday candles.
The only candy I crush are empty cold ones.
There are two types of people in this world: people who pee in the shower and liars.
Just realized I have more in common with Garfield than I have with most people
Christmas is just like a day at the office ... You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
Who named the walkie talkie and why isn`t the vacuum called the pushy sucky?
Never make the same mistake twice, There are so many new ones, Try a different one each day.
I saw a cool bumper sticker on a back of a SUV . . . “Do you follow Jesus this close?”
Shout out to hotel maids changing sheets on February 15th.
The song "Take me out to the Ballgame" is sung almost exclusively by people who are already at a ballgame.
If House of Cards has taught me anything it’s that I need a friend who owns a rib place.