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Thanks to this huge spider web I just walked into, we can now add the neighbors to the list of people that have seen me naked.
“Hangover” makes it sounds like it’s all done now. I’d like to propose the term “hanghappening”.
Look at the keyboard. It has `U` and `I` together. Look underneath that. It says `JK`.
I think once we get past the restraining orders, court dates, and the stalking charges we can really make this relationship work.
Definitely never want to own a small fruit stand in an action movie.
Show him you care by setting his house on fire so he will have to move in with you and never be lonely again.
I wish they made bar-stools with seat belts and dual side airbags.
"Never pick a fight with an ugly person. They`ve got nothing to lose." -Robin Williams
I learned two important lessons today. I can`t remember the first lesson, but the second one is I have to start writing things down.
Are you smarter than a 5th grader? Wait… Regular or Asian?
Really offended that these microwave instructions told me to turn my burrito over gently like I don`t treat every burrito with the utmost respect
You know what they say about men with big feet ;)..........We always have trouble finding shoes that fit.
I think I can survive on Mars since they found water for my coffee.
NyQuil is great. I love the way it comes with it´s own shot glass
Every so often, I try to fornicate a large word into conversation, even if I`m not sure what it means.