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Three decades of playing Tetris have apparently not improved our nation`s ability to stow overhead luggage.
I love that sound you make when you shut the hell up.
I went to the store and saw that Duracell batteries were on sale just before Valentine`s Day. Someone is a marketing genius.
Grab the bull by the horns. The other end is too gross...
When pornstars get up to speak in front of a large group, do they picture people with their clothes on?
You say stalker. I say unpaid private investigator.
If your pillow fort hasn’t got an armory filled with Nerf guns, then you’re not really taking pillow forting as seriously as you should be.
I just called the Alcohol Hotline and those bastards don`t even deliver.
I just got a piece of mail that says "open immediately" but I`m gonna wait a few minutes.
Trying to be a responsible adult is messing up my social life.
That prince in Sleeping Beauty doesn`t get enough credit for kissing someone who hadn`t brushed her teeth in forever.
I put on real clothes today. What more do you want from me?
Seriously, dude...Is there a name for what`s wrong with you?
Sometimes my brain is like the bermuda triangle...Information goes in then it`s never found again..
Fun Things to do : Commenting “not your best” on everybody’s selfies.