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I`m getting a mistletoe tramp stamp.
If a man speaks at sea where no women can hear, is he still wrong?
Men look at boobs for the same reason women look at puppies in cages. We just want to set them free and play with them.
I got in an elevator with a lady with big breasts. She said could you press one for me please. I did and that was the last thing I remember
This Crazy Weather Makes Me Want To Masturbate Furiously!!!
wants to come back as a bird after I die.... just so i can sh!t on the people who piss me off.
You could give me 45 years to do homework and I still wouldn’t do it until the night before.
Stop waiting for the perfect moment. Take a moment and make that sh!t perfect.
If I share my food with you, it’s either because I love you a lot, or because it fell on the floor and I don’t want it.
Do feminists look under their beds for the boogie woman?
The problem with you is ... you exist.
Keep reaching for the stars but please get a better deodorant.
I can`t unfriend you because I really enjoy watching the disaster that is your life.
I party until the taxi with the pretty red and blue lights picks me up.
If you catch me doing a selfie at work, at least offer to take the pic for me.