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If you are being attacked by a bunch of clowns the first thing to do is go for the juggler.
I`ve been waxing my car for twenty years and I still don`t know karate.
The best things in life require no pants.
I`ve been struggling with my laziness. I can`t decide if I should sit down and do nothing or lie down and do nothing.
Just as I predicted, today was in fact a new day!
Watching MTV Cribs makes me feel better about downloading music off the internet.
Life is just like a p@nis: Simple, relaxed and hanging freely, It`s the women who make it hard.
I`m so sick and tired of my friends who can`t handle their alcohol. The other night they dropped me three time while carrying me to the car.
If you see me smiling in public it means Iām laughing at the jokes I tell myself in my head.
According to serving sizes tonight, I`m a family of 4.
Just shaved my legs for the first time since October...just kidding, it`s not warm enough for that yet.
Pay no attention to the pizza being delivered to the bush outside your bedroom window.
Its all fun and games until someone drinks the beer with the cigarette butts in it..
People think I`m a hugger, but I`m actually shaking them down for snacks.
Apparently, driving past police cars while drinking water from an old vodka bottle isn`t `funny` and is technically `wasting` police time