Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I will stop eating ice cream out of the container once I make it completely level.
Weather forecast for tonight: dark
I walked into a bar in my pirate suit and a ships wheel in my pants.... The bartender asked... "Why do you have a wheel in your pants"? I replied "Argh.. it`s driving me nuts".
Todays hot tip: Boomerangs and Attention Deficit Disorder don`t mix.
I`m not insulting you, I`m describing you.
Started a new exercise routine yesterday. So far I`ve only missed one day.
Nothing shall separate me from the love of beer...
I am totally lacking the "zippity" part of my "do dah day."
Some of the best moments in life are the ones you can’t tell anyone about.
Being a pizza delivery driver is great because literally no one is disappointed to see you
I would go for a jog today, but it looks like all of these cupcakes expire today as well.
You don`t truly know someone until you see how they react to their bag of chips getting stuck in a vending machine.
Everybody reaches a point in their lives when they die.
"Oh my god, you`ve gotten so fat! Want me to make you something to eat?" - my mom
Why do people freak out about dolphins getting caugh in tuna nets? What about the tuna?